Green soft power is nothing new. The idea that simply being Irish confers a certain level of cultural cachet is written into our national DNA, and is spread all over the world by the Irish diaspora. The Irish boomerang, the saying goes, is one that never comes back but never shuts up about how much it wants to. In the centuries following the Great Famine—which saw around 1.5 million people emigrate in 30 years—Irish identity molded itself like plasticine into whichever corner of the world it wound up in. There are Irish bars in Honolulu and Kathmandu, as the folk song goes. The Emigration Museum in Dublin claims basically every celebrity in modern history as being at least slightly Irish, from Morrissey to Rihanna. By the turn of the century, 80 million people worldwide claimed Irish descent, and more than 36 million Americans say Irish is their primary ethnicity. Around the same number can be found on the streets of Belfast or Dublin on any given day, wearing Aran sweaters they paid too much for in Carroll’s gift shop on their way in from the airport, or grinning their way gormlessly through marches carried out by Orange Order supremacists.

Read Next

Inside Ireland’s Thriving Illegal Rave Scene

But until recently Irishness—native or diasporic—was very much the butt of its own joke. In Georgian England, cartoonist and satirist James Gillray drew the Irish as subhuman ogres, and as late as 1943 the satirical magazines were depicting us as Frankensteins and drunks. Even as anti-Irish prejudice in the UK and US softened, we were seen as a bit of a joke: silly people who were good craic but deeply unserious. Americans—yes, them again—drank ‘Irish car bomb’ shots as the world was forced to endure the chart-mandated morality of Bono and Bob Geldof.

To be Irish, in short, was not exactly cool.

It’s difficult to pinpoint the exact moment this perception shifted. However, you could probably argue it was the 26th of April, 2020. Deep in quarantine, the BBC and Netflix adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People arrived with a gift for a bored and horned-up world: Paul Mescal. As laconic heartthrob Connell Waldron, he spread the good word of O’Neills shorts and St Christopher’s chains, and things would never be the same. People convinced themselves they liked drinking takeaway Guinness out of milk cartons while respecting social distancing. Boys from Kildare were cleaning up on Hinge like never before. Four years on, the impact has snowballed and now the tendrils of ‘Cool Eire’ extend into all areas of popular culture. 

Sally Rooney’s writing is now so popular it’s inspired its own literary style (and in turn hand-wringing takes about how it is ruining modern literature). Last year the Booker Prize had no fewer than four Irish authors on its 13-strong longlist: the most ever in a single year. Of the shortlist, half were Irish, with the award eventually going to Prophet Song by Limerick’s Paul Lynch.

This coup is taking place not just on the page, but in the pint glass too: Guinness has gone from a hardy pub perennial to the UK’s flat-out best-selling draught beer, accounting for one in every nine pints pulled in a British boozer. Being ‘fashion-forward’ in Ireland was once a crime punishable by ridicule and death. Woe betide anyone wearing sunglasses or a beret in Waterford. But today, some of the world’s best-known designers—Simone Rocha, Jonathan Anderson at Loewe, and Sean McGirr at Alexander McQueen—are Irish.

Even our politicians have undergone their own pop culture makeovers, largely led by online humor. Thirty years ago Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams was barely allowed to use his own voice on British television—then he became a meme himself, known for alligator puns and his love of rubber ducks. The Bear’s Ayo Edebiri became an honorary Irish woman (her hometown of Boston, Massachusetts is 22.8 percent Irish heritage, which apparently is enough these days). The star of Bridgerton’s third season, Galway’s Nicola Coughlan, is now famous enough to invoke the ire of slack-brained right-wing columnists, while the west Belfast rap band Kneecap played two packed gigs at Glastonbury on the same day. Barry Keoghan, somehow, is shagging Sabrina Carpenter. It’s hard to escape the conclusion that it’s never been cooler to be Irish.

But simply being Irish has become so popular, so fast, that it’s now verging on twee again. The unfortunate collateral of Guinness’ spike in popularity are the nonentities for whom drinking it constitutes a personality in itself; one that manifests in ‘splitting the G’ and Shamrock logos in the foam. Emerald Eats, an Irish food stall in the millennial hipster-festooned Broadway Market, regularly has winding queues of people desperate to pay for the ‘viral’ Gaelic cuisine of chicken fillet rolls and spice bags. It’s rare that an Irish celebrity can set foot on a red carpet these days without being interrogated about their childhood in a blatant bid to feed the internet’s Ireland obsession.

As an Irish person living in England, it’s been an interesting experience. Five years ago, I was told by a television producer that Kneecap couldn’t feature on a show I was working on  because the executives felt uncomfortable and “still remembered the Troubles.” Now, they’re being shouted out by Noel Gallagher. Around the same time, I overheard someone at a publishing party complaining that they kept getting submissions by Irish authors, but that nobody wanted to read those stories. Today, bestseller lists are frequently populated by just these kinds of stories. When I moved here, we were still the Punch cartoon, the butt of the joke, the strange neighbors from across the water. I had my accent parodied by public school boys at more house parties than I care to remember. I spent my first years in London raging all the time about how little the English knew about us, how little interest they took in finding out. I should have known I’d eventually end up annoyed once we finally wound up on the inside of the joke. (Though for this we can thank the internet and Diageo more than the English, I think.)

There are certain dangers that tend to present themselves whenever and wherever identities are flattened like this. At the same time that Irishness was being celebrated in all its green glory online, the country itself was living through a few anni horribiles. Homelessness and a housing crisis are crippling Dublin. Far-right fascists use this reality to propagate the myth that “Ireland is full.” In the north, the housing situation isn’t much better. More people have died as a result of long hospital waiting lists as were killed in 1972, the most violent year of the Troubles. There are—and I cannot emphasise this enough—no fucking trains.

None of this is particularly well suited to a funny TikTok, admittedly. Instead, the current iteration of Irishness continues to funnel its way out through that content pipe. We’re no longer seen as hard-drinking leprechauns, ogres, or dubbed-over disturbances of the peace. We are now sad lonely heartthrobs with nice accents and the brooding authors who hog all the awards for creating them. We create the best watering holes in the world—it’s only a shame the queues are too chaotic to get anywhere near The Devonshire, or Skehans, or the Fullback to pay a tenner for a pint of “da black stuff”. It’s never been cooler to be Irish. I kind of miss the unpopularity. 

Words by @rosielanners

Collage by @m.parszeniew

The post How Being Irish Became a Meme appeared first on VICE.

That’s the question Melbourne-based photographer Marlo W contemplated when they first thought of the idea for their latest project. A trans person in their 20s, Marlo wondered what life would be like for them when they got older.

“I wondered who would be taking care of me, if I needed to be taken care of,” Marlo told VICE. “In terms of trans healthcare and acceptance, what would the world look like?”

For transgender people, it’s a question with a complicated answer. The shifts of just the last few years, across public education, awareness, culture and in the medical field have been stark, and while elderly Australians are an oft-forgotten group, older transgender Australians have lived through a constantly changing attitude towards their existence. Someone who is in their 50s today would have been born into an Australia where seeking gender affirming care was still a legal grey area.

Read Next

‘Visibility’ Isn’t Protecting Us From Transphobia

“At the moment, things are pretty good in Australia for trans people. But it’s also a bit rocky in terms of people’s perceptions in society. So that got me thinking, well, where are the older trans people now? I don’t know any personally, I don’t really have anyone older that understands the trans experience from a personal level who I can talk to.”

As they began a process of searching for older transgender people to meet, Marlo’s first book began to take shape. Foreground: Portraits of Older Transgender and Gender Diverse People includes both photography of and interviews with 18 older transgender and gender diverse people living in Melbourne.

“I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I could use my photographic practice to meet these people and interview them, to get to know about their lives and platform them?” Marlo said.

“I made these assumptions… they’ve probably been through tough times, where they were ostracised pretty badly in the past and not had as many opportunities as younger trans and gender diverse people have right now.”

“And I guess I just wanted to know if they were feeling accepted or not. But also how they felt about the broader climate for trans and gender diverse people, especially from an older person’s lens.”

Marlo’s tender portraits are supplemented with interviews with older trans people, asked about their journeys, their gender identities, what life was like when they were growing up, and their life achievements.

The participants are as diverse in age as they are in occupation, life experience and career.

Julie Peters, a 72-year-old PHD author and advocate, worked behind the scenes at the ABC for thirty years. She publicly came out at work in 1990, the ABC’s first employee to do so.

Peters told VICE while she did technically count as an older trans person, she doesn’t “particularly identify with trans”.

“As I often joke, I don’t like being in a book about being trans, but about being older… wow!” she said.

Read Next

‘Police Simply Don’t Belong at Pride’: Cops Filmed Punching, Dragging Midsumma Protestors

“I grew up in the 1950s, the 60s were my school years, and basically what that meant was ‘trans’ wasn’t even mentioned. As a three or four year old, I just thought, Gee, my parents are dumb for not realising I’m supposed to be a girl.”

Peters said she wouldn’t have used any of the same language used today. She didn’t hear the word transsexual until she was in her early 20s.

“And gradually I learned more and more about it,” she said. “I just very consistently felt I fit better in the world as a girl, or a young woman, rather than as a boy.”

Mithra/Mithrani Mahadeva, who is dual gender, is an active member of the Frankston and Mornington LGBTQIA+ community group. They told VICE Marlo contacting them for the project was one of the best days of their life.

“I felt like finally, I can tell someone my story,” they said. “How I couldn’t acknowledge who I was, however strong it was. And to know that this younger person who is in the rainbow space cares enough to look at the bigger picture.”

While Mahadeva said their story was traumatic, they were thankful they could live as their true self now. Thinking back to how different it was for them to find their gender diverse identity when they were younger, as opposed to now, they said: “I feel sad, but I feel glad that I could say who I really am, that I got the safe space. I always call it my happy place.”

“I feel so good. I don’t feel isolated now.”

Doctor Wenn B Lawson, an author and senior researcher at Curtin University, is an advocate for autism awareness in the LGBTQI realm. He told VICE after coming out 11 years ago, aged 62, his family said they’d always known.

“I was never really in the gay scene,” he told VICE. “I was never really part of that world. So the stigma and awful things that have happened to people, either for being gay and then transitioning or being a bit different, being non binary – I didn’t really experience those things.”

“My family were like, ‘we always knew’, except for my mother, who has never accepted my sexuality or gender.”

Lawson said it took him longer to make the connection because of his autism diagnosis, but that he thought he’d transitioned “at the right time”.

“Transitioning many years ago would have been much harder,” he said. “There just weren’t the resources, there just wasn’t the understanding.”

“Not that understanding is everywhere these days, but there’s certainly more acceptance than ever.”

For Lawson, stories on the lives of older trans people were necessary, even to help or inspire others, if not to affect change.

“As an older population, it’s kind of assumed, if you’ve made it to 40 or 50 or 60, why would you want to transition? But it’s more for us about the timing in all those years before, there’s a lot of expectation, to be a partner, husband, wife, mother or father.”

He said in the past there was a lot of stigma, even from within the gay community.

“The gay community isn’t very accepting, generally, of trans people,” he said.

“And if you’re as autistic as I am, it’s even worse.”

Mahadeva agreed that lessons from older transgender people, and projects like Marlo’s, were necessary both for trans and young queer people.

“When young people come out to their families it can be traumatic, that’s why it’s important to have the perspectives of elders because they have been through that same trauma,” they said.

And even that trauma, and how different generations process it, has changed. For trans women of her generation, Peters said once you transitioned, the goal was to not be considered “trans” any more. You were a woman.

“They just wanted to disappear into society or in their new gender,” she said.

“Particularly in the 1970s, the dream was to transition and pass so well that nobody realised you were trans. Some of them, I don’t know why the hell they wanted to do this, but some of them wanted to become just suburban housewives, that was never for me.”

While cultural understanding of transgender people has broadened in Australia, being outed has historically been, and often still is, unsafe. In the 80s and 90s, while some doctor’s offices permitted gender affirming healthcare, trans people were frequently dissuaded from socialising with other trans people. They were instructed to disappear into their gender.

Peters said to a large extent, most trans women of her generation were culturally invisible.

“They’re not out about being trans, and most of them wouldn’t be in a book like this, because it’s outing them. And they don’t want to be outed,” said Peters.

“I know a trans woman who’s been in a relationship with a man for 20 years, and she still hasn’t told him that she’s trans.”

Peters said her work was in trying to “demythologize trans”.

“There’s a lot of bullshit out there about what trans is,” she said.

“What I think is interesting is, in the 90s, and particularly the 80s, the mainstream was very wary of trans. And some people on the edges were quite positive.

“Whereas today, the mainstream is fairly positive about trans, but it’s the edges, the far right and the far left, and the radical lesbians who are a very anti-trans, so it’s sort of swapped over, in that most normal people go what’s the big deal?”

Marlo said meeting and profiling community elders had been an inspiring experience. They said they hoped the stories could be a source of inspiration to others.

“These people mostly had pretty tough lives when they were younger,” they said. Whether that be moving from their country seeking safety, because they weren’t accepted, their gender wasn’t accepted or it wasn’t legal where they were living. Or living here and not having job opportunities, or being ostracised, and beaten down or having to leave their families.”

In spite of those hardships, Marlo said, they’re all “just living out their passions”.

“Murray’s studying, she used to be a psychologist, she’s recently quit now she’s taking up piano again. Latoya, she talked about being in the ballroom scene and a sex worker, and now she advocates for sex worker rights. And Ricky had a pretty tough upbringing in terms of her childhood, which she talks about, and coming to terms with her gender. And she’s done so much advocacy work in so many fields, like Breast Screening Australia, Housing for the Aged Action Group. And she’s also a radio broadcaster.

Read Next

‘Doll Domination’: Photos of the Best Outfits At Arca’s Sydney Opera House Show

“They all just do so much in their own ways,” Marlo said, “And I just thought that was really inspiring. They’re not living in the shadows and letting their age or their gender affect them anymore, they’re very much go-getters in their own right.”

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post Who Tells the Stories of Our Trans Elders? appeared first on VICE.

This position is especially useful for g-spot stimulation, easing lower back pain, and getting hot and heavy in a body-on-body configuration primed for intimacy. Don’t let the fugly urban-infrastructure-title dissuade you: with the right attitude, this position can be tweaked for full-blown eroticism. Also, it feels good.

What is the speed bump position?

This position is vaguely similar to doggy-style, except the receiver lays on their stomach, and a pillow, sex cushion or other prop is placed under their hips, lifting their pelvis up and taking the pressure off their knees. The penetrator kneels with their legs between the receiver’s legs, and enters from behind. It’s a pillow princess’s dream: the penetrated partner is able to receive the pleasure of sex while fully supported, without lifting a finger, arm, leg, or anything at all. 

In the speed bump pose, the penetrating partner is able to kiss, touch, caress and play with several erogenous zones on the receiving partner, including their back, neck, hair, ears, nipples and ass. 

What are the benefits of the speed bump pose?

Laura Miano, a Melbourne-based sexologist and founder of independent sex toy store Posmo, said the speed bump position was great for those who like doggy, but “want to avoid being moved around, which can happen when you’re on your knees”. 

“Lying on the bed with a pillow will give a similar sensation to doggy, but with support,” Miano said. This support is great for receivers with lower back pain, as the pillow provides the stability and support that other rear-entry positions lack.

For receivers with vulvas, while the clit is a bit more difficult to access in this position, it’s really all about the g-spot – found internally on the vaginal wall. 

“For vaginal penetration, the angle allows for better g-spot stimulation as it’s located on the belly side of the vagina, meaning the toy or penis will rub up against it more than if the person with the vulva was lying on their back,” Miano said.

The speed bump position also works for anal penetration, which can be extra pleasurable for receivers with penises.

“For anal penetration, similarly the angle allows for more p-spot stimulation, as the p-spot is located on the belly-side of the anus,” Miano said. 

Sometimes called the “male g-spot”, the “p” in “p-spot” stands for prostate – the small muscular gland that produces seminal fluid. A prostate orgasm is a beautiful thing, and the angle of the speed bump pose offers an increased chance of hitting it.

How to make the speed bump position even better?

For a more intimate, skin-on-skin experience, the penetrating partner could lie on top of the receiver, as opposed to thrusting from their knees. In this position, the penetrator has better access to sensual touching: kissing, caressing, or holding the receiver. 

“The person penetrating could gently caress the receiver’s back, neck, head and arms while they fuck them slowly,” Miano said. “Super sensual! Get an oil-based lube involved for this.”

“If the person lying down enjoys spanking, this position is great for it – the receiver’s ass is perfectly exposed, and they won’t move around when they get spanked due to the pillow being the buffer,” Miano said. 

Also hot in this position: hair pulling, biting, or sucking on fingers or toes, if either partner is into it. Basically any kind of caress can become extremely exciting in this position.

“Ass play is another one,” said Miano. “If the receiver is being penetrated vaginally, they could enjoy double penetration by having their asshole played with, using butt plugs, a finger or a dildo.”

Are there any variations of the speed bump pose?

One of the biggest benefits of the speed bump position is its versatility, and both same-sex and opposite-sex pairings can get a lot out of it. 

“For two people with vulvas, a strap on with an attached dildo will be ideal, however the penetrator could also simply hold a dildo and penetrate them using a dildo-in-hand,” Miano said.

“Partnerings with two penises can enjoy this position with anal penetration, and for penis-vulva partnerings, a vulva-owner could become the penetrator by wearing a strap on.”

“Rather than penetrating with a strap on or penis, the receiver could also get into the ‘speed bump’ position and the other partner could penetrate them with a dildo in hand. This gives the penetrator freedom to change up their position – like lying next to the receiver so their bodies are touching and they can see each other’s faces… a big one for intimacy!”

There are ways to change up the speed bump position to make it work for you and your partner – depending on body size, flexibility and dildo or dick size, slight variations might feel better. 

For a tighter, yummy squeezing feeling, the penetrated partner can close their legs, while the penetrator kneels with their legs on either side of them. You can also experiment with a bigger or smaller pillow or stack of pillows to adjust your liking of elevation, depth and angle of penetration.

The arm of a couch can provide similar elevation: the receiver lies bent over the arm, with their pelvis draped over the couch arm and their body supported on the couch, while the giver stands and penetrates them from behind. Similar could be said for the end of the bed, or a table – the key here is to prop up the receiver’s hips, which can be done pretty much anywhere: bed, couch, floor… you name it.

This position on its own is pretty vanilla, but there are endless ways to spice it up, if that’s what you’re into. The speed bump position is great to play around with dom/sub roles, especially as the receiver is in a particularly submissive pose, or even just to get super, super intimate – picture it, a hot sex playlist on in the background, your partner whispering dirty things in your ear, tugging on your hair while fucking you from behind…

Now I’m just writing smut. 

Read Next

The World’s Most Dangerous Sex Position

But – you came here for a reason. Whether it was because you were looking for more supportive positions, ones guaranteed to hit the g or p-spot, or simply ones where you can get railed without having to do shit: the speed bump sex position could be your new favourite.

Follow Arielle on Instagram and Twitter.

Read more from VICE Australia and subscribe to our weekly newsletter, This Week Online.

The post What Is The Speed Bump Sex Position And What Are The Benefits? appeared first on VICE.

Headlined by Ecco2k and Yung Lean [performing under his side project, jonatonleandoer96] and supported by Japanese pop-star Aya Gloomy, Swedish DJ duo oqboqo and Scandinavian Star, and Frederik Valentin, who backed Leandoer’s crooning ballads – the all-star esoteric lineup was conjured by the collective dreams of every drainer, emo, hype beast, sad boy and fashion girl across the eastern seaboard.

The show was touching. Surrounded by stinky boys seemingly brought to tears by Ecco2k’s emotive pixie singing, there was howling, impassioned chorus from all sides, an adorable emo couple in front of us with their arms thrown about one another’s shoulders, swaying and jumping, kids in their finest Bape and suits with ties and shaggy, long hair.

But who are Sydney’s drainers? VICE was there to meet them, photograph them, and ask them the important questions: what’s your name and occupation?

NAME: @oxiiboi

OCCUPATION: “Prostitute and I sell clothes”

NAME: @wwabisabi01

OCCUPATION: “Studying finance and I’m about to launch ‘trashgal’”

NAME: @carousel.iii

OCCUPATION: “I work at a banh mi shop”

NAME: @ecilaeel, @prettyappa

OCCUPATION: “graphic designer/mum”, “web dev”

NAME: @jemi.gale, @sugarmamaxoxoxo

OCCUPATION: “popstar”, “food science… biggest blueberry inventor”

NAME: @ennar1a, @zacm00r3

OCCUPATION: “musician”, “boyfriend/ girlfriend’s manager”

NAME: j.starr.io

OCCUPATION: “opshop/ artist”

NAME: @kiren.cameron

OCCUPATION: “computer science student”

NAME: @timsfantasyworld, @cheriej

OCCUPATION: “software engineer”, “lawyer”

NAME: @xmuchuan

OCCUPATION: “marketing”

NAME: @sh4nnych

OCCUPATION: “student”

NAME: @oundsayoybay

OCCUPATION: “music student :’(“

NAME: @_augustin

OCCUPATION: “skate shop employee/ I produce music”

NAME: @g0thangelgirl, @a.person.called.caitlyn

OCCUPATION: “retired body piercer”, “body piercer”

NAME: @kurt____johnson, @gabrealmarial

OCCUPATION: “part-time fgg*”, “???”

NAME: @rari.ferrarri, @kindergartendj

OCCUPATION: rari FERRARRI <3, kindergarten DJ

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post All the Best Outfits at Ecco2k and Yung Lean’s Sydney Show appeared first on VICE.

She’s describing, in jest, the way she would explain modern beauty to “nobility from the 1400s”. But it’s true. 

Read Next

What’s 100 Years of Sneakers Doing in a Gallery on the Gold Coast? I Went to Find Out.

From celebrities on the red carpet of the Met Gala to the resurgence of lip gloss to a recent Lotta Volkova campaign for Miu Miu, wet people are hot.

The “dewy” look has been in. But rather than elevating itself away, stubbornly it has stuck around, and our desire to look wet, to be oozing, glistening and damp has only increased. When did the beauty standard embrace amphibious sludge? 

The pervasive moisture at this year’s Met Gala was the most interesting facet of an otherwise bland evening. Doja Cat’s white tee-shirt dress was drenched, Dakota Fanning wore an ice sculpture, Tyla’s sand dress melted to her body, and Amelia Gray’s hair melted into her dress. Others wore see-through or crystal-spangled garments that glistened and shimmered like slutty dewdrops. Iris Law, Rebecca Hall, Rita Ora, Dua Lipa, Kim Kardashian and probably ten million more people all went with the “wet hair look”. The goo lust was omnipresent. The rich people are melting.

Read Next

Are The Jeans That Look Like You’ve Pissed Yourself… Hot?

And unlike previously, where this constantly-drenched aesthetic aligned with childhood, in old tubes of Lip Smackers and candy-coloured beauty products, wet is expensive. Wet is $80 Dior lip oil, it’s lips strained with filler and lubed up like silicon balloons, it’s having an immutable body glow that shimmers, slick. Being greasy might once have been considered gross, now we do it on purpose. Latex, lube and wet-look clothes. Slicked back hair. Products with plasma, hyaluronic acid… we eat collagen, we drink bone broth, we are told to crave konjac jellies and sea moss. We are plumping and we are oozing. We are wet.

Last year the benefits of snail mucin beauty products were lauded on TikTok. Even after witnessing the way it is harvested – buckets of snails agitated as many as three times to extract their excretions before they are finally euthanised – I still want it. The desire for goop has the girls wearing $40 snail slime.

Perhaps it’s nostalgia for dewy times that has brought out our wet cravings. As Zoolander said: “moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty”. Lip gloss and diamontéd accessories. In the 2000s, everything shone. 

Or maybe it’s the state of the world: A reaction to record-smashing heatwaves, floods and relentless rain. Sweat has become inescapable – we may as well embrace it. Sea levels are rising. Ice caps are melting. Droughts stretch across barren lands. Water is running out. 

Read Next

It Happened to Me: My House Had No Shower For Two Months and It Made My Life Better

But for those who can afford it, we are moist. We are slick like dolphins. Our moisture appears, as Lady Miss Kay told us, to be “seeping up out of the skin.”

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post Our Wet Beauty Standard appeared first on VICE.

This weekend, the Karla Laidlaw store in North Melbourne will host a one-day-only SLAMROSS1000 pop up. In anticipation, VICE met SLAM at her studio in Brunswick, to see the scenes behind the scenes, and find out how the hell she does it all.

Who are you? 

My name is SLAMROSS1000. And I make music, fashion and art. And I’m also actually a social worker.

What is the origin story of SLAMROSS1000?

SLAMROSS1000 started as my DJ name and then I started making t-shirts and doing my own events. And now it’s this enigma, I guess, of art and community and creativity. I always wanted to make t-shirts, I grew up skating. I was terrible at skating, but I loved all the skate brands and all the art. I always wanted to have my own skate brand. And now I do have my own brand. And I get to make t-shirts. 

Read Next

A New Exhibition is Archiving Melbourne’s Queer Culture In Real Time

How would you describe the music you make?

At the moment, I would describe the music I make as hard groove. I would describe myself as groove-pilled. I was really into gabber and blown out 909 kick drums which sort of fill the whole low end of the track. And it sounds sick. I still listen to that music. I love it so much. But I’ve started experimenting with some groovy baselines and sort of gone in a new direction there. 

People think that I’m just munching pingers and making music all the time, but I’m also fucking around here! I don’t think I’ve even had a pinger in a year. I just don’t have time to come down anymore. You don’t bounce back the same at 29. But I was hardly hungover this morning. I don’t know how that happened. I took a loaf of bread to bed with me. So when I woke up and I was like, Oh, am I hungry – bite of bread, some water.

What inspires you?

When I was in art school, I was really into the club kids from New York, like James St. James, and then also Leigh Bowery, who grew up in Sunshine and moved to the UK… Just the over the top, camp, performative, genderqueer partying, completely insane. And I was living that at Hugs and Kisses and really just found myself there. Partying and fashion and queerness… it just goes together so perfectly.

Rave culture, dance music, queer culture, youth culture. Fashion designers like Walter Van Beirendonck, Bernhard Willhelm, Australian folks like Pelvis, Garbage TV, stuff like that. Le Fag, Female Wizard. Jules Bramley, my bestie – it’s a very inspirational environment to live in.

Which leads me to Melbourne. What is the truth about Melbourne?

It is a community. It is what you make it.

I love Melbourne. It’s like the Big Gay City that everyone from Australia moves to to be gay and creative. So it’s perfect. 

Read Next

The Best DJs In Australia Are Shes and Theys

I grew up in Perth and moved here 10 years ago. When I was 19, it felt huge. It felt like this huge big city. Perth city is like brick and tiny and just the Business Centre. There’s no culture at all, the culture in Perth is all at the beach. So to come to Melbourne, and the culture’s in the city, it’s in the food, it’s in the art and the music. And then there’s an underground… I felt like… I’d come to… 

I don’t know how to finish that sentence, but I just love it.

What is driving you at the moment?

The drive has just always been there. Sometimes I think it’s ego or insecurity, or money, but then I come back to a collage I’m doing and it’s like, discarded books stuck together about queer and trans people. It’s not really that egotistical or capital driven, like Yeah, I’m gonna sell this shit to my community that are all broke, haha. So I don’t know, the drive is just there. Honestly, it’s exhausting sometimes.

Tell me about your collage work?

I have a background in fine art. It’s so basic as an art school graduate, but the Dada movement, which was like Marcel Duchamp, who did the toilet bowl, he’s quite famous for that. But I really liked some of the other artists from the Dada movement, like Hanna Hoff, she was making collages about the war. And there were other people making collages about capitalism. And it’s from like 100 years ago now, they were creating this stuff and exploring absurdity and the rubbish that still exists today, all the systems that still exist today. So I was really inspired by their work and that made me want to do collages.

I come to my studio whenever I have free time. I collect books of random shit that make me feel good. And so then I’ll flick through them, be like, oh, that’s cool, cut it out, then maybe add it to my collection.

When I was younger, I’d go to op shops with my friends and we’d search for clothes, but then when I started hormones, the clothes weren’t fitting me anymore, so I went to another section of the shop, and it was the books… and that’s sort of where it all started. You never know what you’ll find.

Tell me about art school.

Oh, my God. So art school was around that time that I was partying a lot at Hugs and Kisses and experimenting and finding my transgender identity. I just experimented a lot with collage and screen printing and expressing my gender in print. And I guess it’s quite similar to what I do now. My most recent collection “Access” started as an exploration on how queer people access spaces. And it sort of ended as this adventure of Liza Minnelli code switching, a different version of her is in each piece. It’s just complete absurdity. She is a very funny, camp and absurd character. And I think she knows she’s funny. And she just came up in one of the books I found from the op shop, and I scanned her in.

How do you go with file organisation?

I’m a Capricorn. I go very well, thank you.

Walk me through a day in your life.

Get up early, have coffee with my partner, watch the news, if it’s not too depressing, go to my day job, which is supporting the trans and queer community, so I love it. And then maybe I’ll go to the gym or swim laps and go to the sauna. Look after myself, and then maybe have a mentee b in there somewhere. And then I’ll come home and I’ll make music or I’ll draw or I’ll be on the computer on Photoshop until I go to bed for my nine to 10 hours sleep.

Read Next

Everything I Heard and Everything I Saw At Golden Plains Super Sweet Sixteen

What’s your signature fragrance?

I’m wearing Aesop. Or ee-sop. Rozu.

What’s your advice for baby ravers?

Oh god, you can’t ask me that. Smarter not harder.

Experience SLAMROSS1000 irl at the pop-up this Saturday, May 11.

Karla Laidlaw, 498-500 Queensberry St. North Melbourne,

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post What It Takes To Be SLAMROSS1000 appeared first on VICE.

Multidisciplinary artist and musician Byron Spencer has lately been debuting what he calls his “PS2 Boys” series: 8-bit thirst traps of some of the internet’s favourite hotties. Using the PS2 AI filter, Spencer mutated half-nude or sometimes nude selfies sent over DM into quirked-up uber-hunks radiating salacious intent, before slowly drip-feeding them to a salivating pack of queers via a daily Instagram Stories horniness digest. And the people are gobbling it up.

Read Next

What is the Twink-Handler Relationship? I Asked A Bunch Of Twinks and Their Handlers.

Spencer said he’s dabbled with AI and filters for some time. He loves “all that stuff”, he told VICE, all the “cute disguising” you can do on the internet. But, “it was nothing groundbreaking on my end.”

“It’s just a kind of filter, but then a lot of people don’t fully go down into that world of AI stuff yet or even know how to do it, even though it’s quite easy,” he said. “I was like, oh, maybe it would be fun to start messaging hot boys that I know. I reached out to them from the beginning, got them involved, they started sharing them, and it just kind of steamrolled from there.”

On Spencer’s Instagram page, selects from the series hold permanent residence. Among the uber-jacked mystery men is a swathe of internet favourites and international blue checks. King of twinks Troye Sivan is there, his fierce gaze piercing even through the filter. Actor, musician, and hot boy icon Keiynan Lonsdale wears a Von Dutch cap. There’s artist Elliot Joseph Rentz, musician Lucky Love, a string of OnlyFans creators… it’s easy to get lost, thousands of tabs deep, in what is essentially a catalogue of the hottest boys online. 

“I think it’s kind of like Pokémon meets Playboy,” Spencer told VICE. “We love to see ourselves and others online. And everyone becomes a character in your life now, because of the internet.”

Although a flipbook of shirtless thirst traps oozes lust, only some of the pictures are nudes – plump butts and bare dicks, the latter’s make-it-safe-for-Instagram pixelation consistently pearl-clutchingly long. 

“It’s just hilarious, I’m always waking up to messages now. And sometimes I just wake up to dick pics. It’s actually kind of amazing,” Spencer said.

Since beginning the series, Spencer said it’s now become a self-replicating cycle, and even… a community. The comments sections of PS2 Boys posts are filled with desperate pleas: “do me, do me!”, “me next”, “who is #6?” and “how do you do that?”. He said he hoped to bring the series to print, in an uncensored coffee table tome.

“Everyone is so thirsty,” Spencer told VICE. “The hilariousness is that there’s an element of bringing people together, or boys finding other boys on the internet or wanting to be seen by boys. I think a lot of people are coming now just to see another hot guy. 

“I’ve just been so intrigued. It reminds me of Grindr culture, apart from the meeting up. I think there’s a lot of thrill in apps like Grindr and other apps in the sense of just exchanging photos. I think a lot of guys hop online to just share photos, for the thrill and rush, and it’s kind of that energy on Instagram. There’s a lot of people that I guess find it thrilling and a little bit horny – the process is kind of exciting for them.”

But, he said, “I find that the gay male community is probably at the peak of unapologetic exhibitionism on the internet.”

Read Next

A New Exhibition is Archiving Melbourne’s Queer Culture In Real Time

The project is about as explicit as you can be without getting banned on IG. They’re thirst traps, after all. But are nudes mandatory? 

“Some people either just go ahead and send me nudes. Some people ask, like, should I send a nude? I’m like, it’s totally up to you. And some people have been coming back to me and wanting to send nudes because they’ve seen other people have done it. It’s a little bit hilarious.”

Spencer’s interested in the number of people messaging him who don’t understand what’s happening – whether he’s actually communicating with his subjects, whether he has the uncensored versions, then, “people are like I need your login details immediately”, he said. 

“I love just the horniness of it all. People have been saying your stories are making me horny. It’s using the internet as a medium. Everything to do with it is internet inspired, including the fact that it’s just a filter. 

“Because of AI, we’re really going into hyper-surrealism in a way – never knowing what’s real. So I’d rather lean into that being really fun, at least if people are feeling something from it in some way. I like people. I like emotional work, whether it’s emotional or just funny and sexy.”

On whether AI can actually be used for good, Spencer said he thought it was “a really amazing conversation” at the moment, “in many different ways”.

“I keep on saying what did we expect? You know, what do we expect? The way society is built, and the way we function is so already technologically and media driven, in this robotic, non-human way.

“There’s something interesting with AI because I think the bigger it gets, the more it makes us talk about what it is to be a human. We’ve kind of coasted along with film and technology. At least we’re talking about humanity in a different way. 

“That’s crazy, but it’s also kind of exciting in a strange way.”

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post Making AI Art Out of Thirst Trap DMs appeared first on VICE.

Read Next

Uniformed Police and Protester Arrests Overshadow Mardi Gras Celebrations

Queer Archival, opening for one evening next month in Collingwood, is an archive of portraiture and video footage of Melbourne’s queers, inspired by the historic preservation work of the Australian Queer Archives (AQua), at the Victorian Pride Centre in St Kilda.

For what they call “an offering to the legacy of queer documentation in Naarm”, the pair has spent the past year compiling and creating a lasting archive of the community’s past and present. Subjects chosen include artists the pair are inspired by and, as Jet told VICE, “Friends, my boyfriend, failed situationships turned friendships, and generally a collection of people I wanted to document.”

Jet and Clem came to archival in different ways. On an overseas trip, Jet, a creative director, visited an exhibition that pulled from queer archives in a way they’d “never seen before”. 

“When I got back to Melbourne I found AQuA,” they told VICE, “and began poring over different documents and pictures.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about how emotional and hopeful the archives made me.”

Clem, a photographer, began volunteering at the Victorian Queer Archives in 2023. 

“I wanted to see a history of queer photography, to expand my own practice and connect with communities that had been documenting themselves for decades. I fell in love with the photographic archive specifically, the care and tenderness that comes from documenting within a community.”

Both Clem and Jet were moved by the care that had gone into preserving and curating the Queer Archives, both here and internationally.

“We had many conversations about why it is important to intentionally document queer lives from within the community,” they told VICE.

“It’s important to have moments when queer people are elevated and portrayed with dignity, considering our representation in the current news cycle.”

Inroads towards mainstream “acceptance” over the past decade has had detracting run-on effects. More exposure, representation and discourse around LGBTQIA+ lives has not been backed by care from the political class and has left those most vulnerable under our system, trans or gender diverse people of colour, to have their rights parlayed for votes under the government of the day. 

Read Next

What is the Twink-Handler Relationship? I Asked A Bunch Of Twinks and Their Handlers.

We have queer representation in some television shows now, but TERF rallies can subsume Parliament steps, journalists can spread lies about transgender children, politicians can fearmonger about “women’s sports” and church groups can lobby for their right to discriminate towards LGBTQIA+ children.

The impact of this hyper-exposure of queer people in the media was something Clem and Jet reflected on.

“This is why it felt important to create a show that took the time to document queer lives with patience and care,” they told VICE.

“We wanted to emulate traditional archival photography, through portraiture that is slow and intentional, using practices that have been used in the archive for centuries. We want our work to be a response to the mass-produced, highly consumerist imagery of queer people that we are inundated with.”

And working with an entirely queer and gender-diverse team behind the camera was crucial.

“Too often queer people are the muse but are not given the agency to be on the creative team, making decisions and having their voice heard,” Jet said.

As they archive the queer lives around them, with the help of AQuA, Clem and Jet said they hoped the project would evolve to become an “offering to a larger project”.

“Archival, while connoting the past, also really just means the attempt to ‘preserve history, for future generations’. We want this work to be an offering to a larger project and belief in taking seriously the queer community that is here in Naarm, as we take seriously the community that has paved the way before us,” they said.

“The idea of a queer archive should never be a still or closed archive, it should be an archive that is constantly open and evolving to the present and future of queer lives. We want to contextualise the idea of an archive to something that can symbolise a future that we are moving toward. To archive something is to give it meaning, and allow it the dignity to stand still for a moment in time.”

Clem and Jet said they wanted to thank Halide Gallery for letting them use the space and also to thank Nick, a Collection Manager at the Australian Queer Archives, “for his time and knowledge in helping us research”.  They said they hoped audiences would be inspired to look at the Queer Archives in their own time, “because of how moving of an experience it was for us, to see ourselves reflected back throughout history. 

Read Next

‘Visibility’ Isn’t Protecting Us From Transphobia

“We also hope they take away a print! The event is free but making art is expensive as fuck so come get a print for you and your housemates, your gay bestie, your mum, your failed situationship…”

Queer Archival will open for one night only at Halide Supply, 128 Smith Street, Collingwood on May 17.

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post A New Exhibition is Archiving Melbourne’s Queer Culture In Real Time appeared first on VICE.

For one, I never have to fear breaking my dick. For two, when you speak to a man who has suffered a penis break, the story’s climax is usually all of the blood. I’m not denying that one of the most humiliating and horrifying ways a sexual encounter could be interrupted is with a sudden spurt of blood… But it’s like, yeah, been there. It’s terrible for your genitals to just start gushing blood, isn’t it?

What I find really enticing about penis breakage is there’s just so many ways for it to happen. The most common is the snapping, or tearing, of the banjo string. Known medically as the frenulum, the banjo string is the thin ridge of tissue connecting the penis head to the shaft, which works to retract the foreskin over the glans. A snapped banjo string is the injury famous for producing copious amounts of blood. 

The full-blown-penile fracture, where the penis swells into a big, purple eggplant, is more rare, but grim. There aren’t any literal bones in a boner, when you “break” it, you tear the tunica albuginea, a rubbery sheath that allows the penis to enlarge during an erection. If not addressed, usually with surgery, this can lead to problems with erectile dysfunction.

Penis fractures usually happen on impact during vigorous, careless sex: it slips out of whichever orifice and slams against a bone. But since speaking with various penis-owners, it would seem there is a wealth of other calamities awaiting unfortunate cocks. Here’s all that we learned.

“It had to happen”

“My foreskin was too tight, so the first time I had sex it ripped a little. It was honestly ok. It had to happen anyway, otherwise I couldn’t have had sex.”

“It opened like a little cross”

“I’ve broken two. It’s not even that exciting, I was rubbing a peen over his boxers and it rubbed his banjo string and it was a little bleedy. The other time, I had an IUD, we were banging from behind and he sliced his penis perpendicular to the urethra so it opened like a little cross. It stung when he peed. He went to hospital and got antibiotics, so no sex for a while.”

You think this is bad? Ever heard of a Mooncup buddy?

“My friend ripped his banjo string during sex and he filled up a shot glass with blood.”

“Hand and ass prints on the wall”

“I broke this guy’s dick once and it was horrific, the most blood I’ve ever seen in my life. The room was filled with a metallic smell and I was like, oh fuck I smell blood. He was still trying to go at it, we were both fucked on MDMA so I guess he had tunnel vision. Light went on, boom, murder scene. My legs were covered in blood to my ankles and there were hand and ass prints on the wall.” 

“If only I bottomed that night”

“I went back to this hottie’s house after a Halloween party and we were discussing who was gonna be top and bottom, we both wanted to top but I hadn’t prepared to bottom. We had a sexy make out sesh and they were grinding on me really intensely, then I felt a sharp pain – I looked down and there was a bloody mess all over this person’s white sheets. We both freak out and have a shower, they’re super apologetic and I’m freaking out because it’s still spurting out everywhere. We managed to calm it down and slept in the bloody sheets. The next day I woke up and caught an Uber to my house and got ready to go to work, after work I booked a doctor’s appointment. They said that I needed to clean it with baby wipes twice a day and not have sex until it heals, it took a month and I was reluctant to have sex again. IF ONLY I BOTTOMED THAT NIGHT.”

“I could slowly see the pain overtaking the horniness in his eyes”

“There was this guy I used to casually sleep with and one night we were trying to set up a threesome with his best mate. He couldn’t make it but he said his best mate would still be down to link up with me that night. I appreciated him offering up his hot best friend to a horny piece like me for the night. So I go over to the friend’s place, we talk, drink and get into a bag of k and then slowly, things start coming off. When we got into his bedroom, the sex was going pretty well and I’m pretty sure I was ovulating at the time so I was extremely horny and at that point my coochie was like a slip and slide. Hazardous to be honest. So I start riding him (my speciality) and all is going well until the horrible awful happens.

As I’m going up while riding him, his dick just misses my hole so when I go down, instead of the dick going inside my hole, the tip hits my clit, and because everything in my lower region was soaked, it slipped right against the top of my pussy, bending his dick forward into a slight L shape and I bounce right on it, smacking his hard cock right in between our pubic bones. At first I panicked and asked him what the fuck happened and if he was okay and at the time he winced a little bit but then said he was fine to keep going. Which I think was the ket talking, because as my ket started to wear off, I could see the pain slowly overtaking the horniness in his eyes. So, like all things, it had to come to an end.

The next day, he thanked me for coming over and let me know that his dick was in pain, but that it was kinda worth it for my company. Yeah I’m that bitch. Over the course of the next few days, he told me that he went to the doctors to figure out what damage we had caused his dick and although he hadn’t been diagnosed with a broken penis, he was prescribed with abstinence and no self pleasuring for a week to allow for the penis to fully heal and reduce swelling. Poor thing.”

“Shit was like a cheese grater”

“I broke my banjo string like 18 months ago and honestly, it could be worse. I don’t know how common this is but the girl was wearing fishnets when it happened, she shifted her butt and the fishnet just lacerated the fuck out of my banjo string. Shit was like a cheese grater. It was honestly a 9/10 pain but only for a moment? There was a lot of blood! I didn’t have to go to the doctor though, it healed really quickly… But the terror was a full 10/10, every guy friend I’ve told this to has physically recoiled at the thought. My dick healed fully, not an issue, didn’t lose any sensitivity or anything at all really… I think that part of the dick, the actual string bit, has no nerves… The bit under it certainly does though.”

Fucking in a hostel? What if I told you it could get worse…

“We went to have sex in a hostel room during the middle of the day. He went in, banjo snapped, blood squirted on me, on him, on the friggin walls. I looked at him and was like, has this happened before? As if it was a type of cum or something haha. He’s like, no, what the fuck? And we were both in the bathroom trying to stop the blood from coming out and praying no one would come into the room and see all the blood all over everything. Had no idea that could even happen, we were both Google doctoring in FEAR.”

“That’s how pookie became boyfie”

“When I was 18 I had just started seeing pookie and it was all new and exciting. One morning we moved from the bedroom to the shower and about three minutes in I heard him say ‘oh no’. I turned around and blood was gushing everywhere, I was immediately embarrassed because I thought I got my period. I realised it was him not me when he slid down to the shower floor and started losing consciousness. Water is not lube, the banjo string had SNAPPED. Mans fully passed out, then had a seizure. His eyes gave me this dead ass look while he was convulsing LMAO. I had no idea what to do so I called an ambulance. On the phone to the ambo, in his half conscious state, he heard me refer to him as my boyfriend –  that’s how pookie became boyfie. The ambos assured him it happens ALL THE TIME, and he was gonna be okay. We didn’t sleep together for two months after that, we were too scarred.”

Snap, crackle, pop

“Doggy style… After school … Year 10… Riding that dick and he was hitting so hard from behind… He hit the wall of my cervix so hard and all we could hear was a SNAP CRACKLE AND POP. We had no idea what happened but immediately stopped. I felt a crunch in my coochie and immediately he let out a disgustingly horrendous yelp. We were on his parents’ couch and blood started squirting everywhere from his P hole. We both screamed and didn’t know what had happened or how it happened… Coochie too tight perhaps…

Read Next

Talking Shit About Private School With Private School Kids

His Year 10 man-brain instinct was to call his best friend and lock himself in the bathroom until he arrived while I pondered and figured out how to clean the piles of blood off his parents couch. His friend came, I cried, wondering what had happened and his older sister walked through the door much earlier than expected… You bet your ass I ran home and I don’t think we spoke about it after, I’m not sure how his penis is going but I felt really sorry for it upon reflection.”

The Apollo Show

“I’m one of Australia’s top male OnlyFans creators and I am currently on day 26 of 30 days’ abstinence while my fractured dick heals. We were doing a doggystyle variation that looked great on camera but bent my dick in a funky way, then the girl flinched and ‘right angled’ it completely. There was acute temporary pain, but I figured it would be fine, and finished off… Then it was just a dull ache all day until the next day when it blew up and swelled to three times its usual size. I went to the hospital for an ultrasound where they were figuring out if it was a full fracture or not. I was definitely worried, my dick ‘soft’ was the size of a coke can… and when I went for the ultrasound they basically gave me the options two hours beforehand. 

Option 1: Blood clot/burst blood vessel – 4-6 weeks full recovery expected. Option 2: Full penis fracture – will require surgery immediately so I don’t get permanent erectile dysfunction.

I was scared for those 2 hours. A penis fracture is a hole exploding in the muscle wall – making it leak whenever the body is trying to fill it with blood, like trying to fill a tyre with a puncture in it. Thankfully it was just a burst blood vessel.”

“It wasn’t fully detached…”

“We were about 17 and he was too scared to tell his doctor or family. He pulled out and there was so much blood. We thought it was me, then we looked back at it and it was spraying blood everywhere! He had no pain until the shock went away then it would hurt him all the time. It wasn’t fully detached but tore it almost all the way through, it looked awful. He ended up blaming it on me to his mum saying I bled all over the sheets, the next day she bought him a mattress protector and brought up at the dinner table that we weren’t virgins any more (it definitely wasn’t our first time). We didn’t have sex again for months, he was so scared.”

“I thought I’d broken him for good”

“I broke my boyfriend’s dick when we lost our virginities lmao it was terrifying. The banjo string, not a full break. It was cooked because we were both like, is this normal? And I felt so bad, I thought I’d broken him for good, I was almost like oh my god was that assault?! Like are you okay! Why are you suffering?! So confusing. I was definitely too inexperienced to be dealing with that shit hahaha.”

From London to Dublin with a broken peen

“I was in London on the first day of my euro vacation, went out to an ABBA themed night and a gay club called Club du Fromage. As the night went on my friend introduced me to this girl and one thing led to another. We ended up heading back to her flat for what was sure to be a rambunctious night. As the foreplay entered into the next era, we started to do the thing and I felt a sharp pain. I figured this was nothing and continued. A few moments later I lifted up my hand, it was dark so I brought it close to my face. I saw that my hand was covered in blood and said to her wtf. She turned on her light and we moved apart from one another. Blood proceeded to shoot from my penis and a state of panic ensued, she rushed me to the bathroom and put me in her shower, the blood proceeded to squirt from my semi erect penis. Eventually the bleeding subsided. We then went back to bed. I was then rudely awakened (extremely hungover and with a broken dick) to my alarm warning me that I had to go to the airport and fly to Dublin. I left in a flurry, apologised for the inconvenience and rushed back to my hostel. I grabbed my bags from my accommodation, rushed to the airport and flew to Dublin. After checking in I went to the ER and explained what happened. The doctor told me ‘no sex for six weeks’ and sent me on my merry way. I actually saw the girl out at a club in London two years later and tried to say hi and she ignored me and walked away. Which was fair enough in hindsight.”

“Fully yeeted off his dick and spouting blood”

“Me and this dude started dating and the sex was shit and he could never stay hard and then one day we were going at it and for some reason he was FEELING IT and I was like yeah righto let’s go!!! Then I was like, wait, I’m really wet, then I looked down and it was like a massacre. Blood EVERYWHERE. GUSHING. FALLING OUT OF ME. There was a brief moment where I thought I’d gotten my period, then we looked at his dick and his banjo string was fully yeeted off his dick and spouting blood. He went to try and clean up the blood on his end and I was just sitting in my bed like I had just witnessed a sacrifice, blood still pouring from my vagina because we’d obviously been doing it for like five minutes before we realised what had happened. So I had five minutes of projectile blood up in my vagina, and was excreting someone else’s blood in these little clots for days. It was disgusting.”

“Afterwards he thanked me for it”

“I broke my ex’s banjo string during tent sex at Maitreya festival while we were on acid. I guess ‘we’ broke it. So much blood. He didn’t really feel anything and tried to tell me I’d gotten my period suddenly but I knew that maths wasn’t mathing, so we had to go searching for the source with flashlights. We didn’t go to the medic tent and retrospectively I’m not sure why (aside from the being very high part). Afterwards he always thanked me for it?! Because now he could go harder without worrying about ripping it because it already happened.”

“It was totally alien”

I had an operation to straighten my dick and one of the sutures popped while wanking – very macabre! There was an audible snap. It was a total surprise, wacky as hell, totally alien. It wasn’t like bad bad pain, like it is when the actual circumcision scar is healing and it’s tugging on all the skin, it was like this really foreign like what the fuck just happened feeling… Maybe like a popcorn kernel going off? There was this sound that was like clicking or snapping your fingers. When it happened I was mortified lol, but I had it redone a year later, no problems. I think on the whole the experience has made me more resilient. Like, your dick exploding? What could be worse?”

“My mum walked in and couldn’t stop laughing”

“It happened with my first high school boyfriend and we started screaming and my mum walked in and couldn’t stop laughing. I just remember seeing blood and then screaming and my mum coming in with a tea towel hahahahahaa. A bonding experience for us all.”

“Cauterised…”

“I broke some guy’s banjo string when I was 18, it was a bloody mess… literally. It’s so fucked up. And he was mad at ME?! I’m like how is it my fault? Just because I have a gorilla grip pussy. He was all gross you have your period. I’m like nah that’s your dick sir. I ended up having to take him to hospital and he got it cauterised.”

Read Next

What is the Twink-Handler Relationship? I Asked A Bunch Of Twinks and Their Handlers.

“Not a broken dick in the same sense but…”

“Not a broken dick in the same sense but one time at work a guy booked me and he couldn’t get it up. He ended up slapping his dick really hard over and over while saying ‘why won’t you work’. It was hilarious.”

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

The post ‘Shit Was Like a Cheese Grater’: All the Ways You Can Break Your Penis appeared first on VICE.

While the etymology of Twink is contested, a definition from Gay-2-Zee: A Dictionary of Sex, Subtext, and the Sublime, published in 2006, describes that similar to the American delicacy, the Twinkie – “little nutritional value, sweet to the taste, and creme-filled” – the twink is “short, and blonde, and filled with cream”. 

Years after that definition was first written, the study of twink sociology, psychology and lore has evolved. Enter: The twink-handler relationship.

“Twinks and their Pretty Handlers” was a concept born in a TikTok video, where the creator, Ramtin Ari, describes how “every twink will always have a pretty girlfriend”. 

“You see a twink, and there’s always a squad, or just one, pretty girlfriend.” 

Ari refers to these pretty girlfriends as the twink’s “handlers”. And, as Ari describes, the twink-handler relationship is very particular and very special. The handlers help their twinks make good decisions and steer them along the right path. Moreover, without a handler to keep them in line, a twink devolves into a “demon twink”. 

“Generally, the prettier the handler, the higher-quality the twink.”

The video, with 2.7 million views, found its target audience. This psycho-sociological hypothesis had touched on something not immediately obvious, but undoubtedly real.

Read Next

Everyone Who Caught Our Eye At Hobart’s MONA FOMA

Being an internet reporter is a sick and twisted unending nightmare because one day you’re reporting on the Sydney asbestos crisis of 2024 and the next you’re posting a call out for twinks to interview about their pretty handlers on your personal Instagram account. When people rightfully enquire as to what in fresh hell you’re on about you have to inform them it’s from a TikTok. But here we are.

A few days after posting the call-out, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, who told me my call-out had “done rounds in the community”.

“Everyone was like, what is this bitch on about?”

When I told them a handler was essentially a “girl-best-friend”, they were surprised. 

“Oh… I thought it was a BDSM thing.” 

Which is fair enough. Not everyone lives inside the internet. So, what is the twink-handler relationship? Is it real? VICE interviewed some twinks (and their handlers) to find out.

Jac, Handler

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

The concept of “twinks and their handlers” makes me feel so seen because, like, some of the shit my twink has put us through?? Like yeah, I’ve had to handle his ass a few times, in the time I’ve known him.

Obviously it’s all in good fun but I just feel like the concept actually does encapsulate a really specific thing in close friendships between gay men and women, where the woman keeps her twink in check from time to time. But it also acknowledges the fact that the twink is aware of it and is open to being kept in check by a cunty femme diva. Which I feel is a beautiful thing, since it’s not as widely common in relationships between straight men and women, for straight cis men to be open to receiving constructive criticisms from strong women. So I suppose the concept also makes me feel appreciated and empowered in some ways.

As a gorgeous handler, what does your role in the dynamic entail? 

As a gorgeous handler, I feel that my role in the dynamic is to be gorgeous, for one (but that comes without even trying let’s be honest) and always be real with my twink. If my twink is flopping, I’ll let them know. Or if they’re needing my advice on something, I’ll give them my complete and honest thoughts. I won’t ever sugarcoat anything with them. If I feel that they are about to make some questionable choices, that’s where I step in to make sure they don’t do something rogue, like message their ex or take a stupid amount of acid at a festival.

My role is also to make sure he and I are seen out and about because honestly, he and I are truly one of the hottest duos you’ll ever see, so it’s our civic duty TO BE SEEN. Other than that, my role is to just be a good friend. He’s my twink, but also my best friend and family at the end of the day. All of these things come from a place of complete love for him and wanting nothing but the best for him. Just as he does for me.

How did you meet your twink?

I met my twink back in 2018 at some 18th birthday party in Docklands and I had known who he was for a little while because he was THE TWINK of our area. Like anyone who’s anyone in our area knew who that twink was. Also mainly because he was one of the only gay kids in our area that was out and proud at the time, which made him quite the local legend.

I was introduced to him by one of my old friends from high school at this party and I remember he was wearing, some white pants with a button up shirt with one of those hideous prints (it was the shit at the time), face beat to the gods, he had threaded brows probably filled in with Anastasia Beverly Hills brow pomade, long acrylic nails and he had hair that was shaved on the sides with the top part gelled back. He was giving 2018 Bretman Rock twink fantasy down honey.

I met him two more times after that party and each time he re-introduced himself to me because he forgot who I was. On the third time of him meeting me and forgetting my name, I told him, ‘You know we’ve met before right? Twice actually.’ Which gagged him a little. I then told him: ‘This is not happening again, you better remember my name the next time I see you I swear to god or you will not see me again.’

Read Next

Talking Shit About Private School With Private School Kids

Which I think worked because then he remembered my name and we’ve been best friends ever since. Something about the twinks in my life having the worst memory of all time should be a case study in itself.

What was your life like before you met your twink?

My life was really straight before I met my twink, which also means boring to be honest. Like, I didn’t have many queer friends but I also didn’t have any close POC friends. Being an Asian woman, who was still trying to figure out her queer identity, I felt isolated in a way that I couldn’t quite explain at the time. I was just trying my best to fit in with everyone around me in high school. I feel like I had no real exposure to gay or queer culture but more specifically, queer culture from a POC perspective. Other than maybe Yah Yah’s but honestly, I would argue that that place is where gay culture failed.

I just felt really out of place for a lot of my high school life and I always felt I had to be careful in the way I was perceived. Before meeting my twink, I think that there was this really real and really cunty part of me that didn’t really come out until I met him.

Please describe how you feel about your twink. 

I love my twink to death. He is the twink to end all twinks, in my eyes. I truly feel that he is one of the most wonderful people in my life and I don’t know where I’d be without him. A lot of people in my life refer to me as mother, well, because I am, but also because I do take on a sort of motherly role towards the people in my life. So the fact that he’s seen by our friends as the father/husband counterpart to me, I couldn’t be more obsessed with. It makes me incredibly grateful and happy to have someone like him to share our whirlwind love affair with the world!!

Who is the better influence on the other?

I actually feel that we might be a good influence on each other. I don’t know if we necessarily make each other better people. We can be pretty rotten and evil at times, we probably brought that out of each other from the moment we met, but we certainly add something to each other that overall makes life all the more fun and exciting. I think that he reminds me to always want more and strive for the best and I remind him to appreciate and focus on the good things in life for now.

What are your star signs?

He is an Aries and I’m a Cancer. Which is literally a twink/handler combo down to a T.

What is the craziest shit u have seen ur twink do, attempt to do, or suggest to do?

I have never seen someone steal (shoplift actually, stealing is broke) from supermarkets the way my twink does. He goes in there with his Telfar bag and leaves with everything for dinner that night in that very same Telfar. I’m always impressed at the speed he shoplifts, like I don’t even think I’ve ever seen him put actual things in his bag when he has, he just almost always ends up with a full bag when we leave the supermarket. A skill that should be studied and appreciated.

Sam, Twink

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

Honestly, I hadn’t heard of the phrase up until now. So I asked my ‘handler’, and she explained it to me. Okay, mother.

How did you meet your handler ?

I met my handler through a similar circle of friends when we were teenagers, and we grew close by connecting through our queerness and Asian background. From there, what really brought us tight was ballroom and vogue femme, and our creative passions. Now, I’m extremely close with her siblings and call her family my own.

What was your life like before you met your handler?

Dull, lifeless, despondent, dreary, mundane. And definitely not as faggy.

Please describe how you feel about your handler ! 

I love her with all my heart, if I was into women I think we’d definitely be in a toxic situationship that has great and frequent sex but argues tons.

Who is the better influence on the other?

I think we’ve both had a massive influence on each other, there’re periods of time where I’d say I’m a better influence on her and vice versa. We’ve both been through a lot of shit together the past few years and I think we’ve each massively shaped the other person.

What would happen to you if your handler one day just disappeared?

I would wither away, collapse and weep. I would try to summon her with an evil ritual.

Jack, Demon Twink

How does the concept of “twinks and their pretty handlers” make you feel?

Like I’m missing out on something I shouldn’t be missing out on? I’m definitely intrigued to understand more.

You mentioned you are without handler, how does that affect your life, if at all?

Whilst unbeknownst to myself, I do feel like given a handler, life would have more structure and potentially more financial freedom?

Have you ever had a handler?

I think I’ve had many try to handle but not get very far in the process.

Do you consider yourself a demon twink?

I’ve been branded demon twink more times than one can count. So yes. As the saying goes, ‘if the shoe fits…’

What does that look like for you? 

So by definition:

• TWINK, a gay or bisexual young man with a slim build and youthful appearance.

• DEMON, a forceful or skilful performer of a specified activity.

With this new understanding of ‘demon’, I can confidently say I embody all of what a demon twink can only aspire to be. Living chaotically carefree and responsibly reckless!

Do you think you need a handler? Would you seek one out?

There’s many other things I need first, but yes, quite possibly. 

What is your favourite activity on a summer’s eve?

Sunset and a beer on the beach with friends.

What is your astrology big three?

Aries sun, Taurus moon, Leo rising. Bitch. 

Keegs, Twink

How does the concept of “twinks and their handlers” make you feel ?

I think it’s really funny and also very true, it’s so bizarre to me that it’s a relevant phenomenon but also hilarious. 

How did you meet your handler?

We met through a mutual friend but we hated each other for several years until fate pushed us back together and we realised we were actually very compatible. 

What was your life like before you met your handler?

Not worth living.

Please describe how you feel about your handler.

I love that girl like nothing else. She’s the funniest and stupidest and kindest and smartest person I’ve ever met. 

What is your favourite thing about them and least favourite thing about them?

Her boobs (can I say that?) and she’s the loudest drunk I’ve ever met, that girl loves to stomp. 

What is your favourite activity to do together ? 

Slay the night away, typically on the dance floor. 

Who is the better influence on the other?

Her on me, 100%.

What are your star signs?

Both virgos, but she’s August virgo I’m September.

Jade, Handler

As a gorgeous handler, what does your role in the dynamic entail? 

My role requires me to get him together, make him look cute, collect him and/or read him to filth when necessary. I also give him lots of hugs and kisses because he is intimately deprived. 

How did you meet your twink?

I met him through a mutual friend that we both used to be besties with, but have dropped since. Trio friendships unfortunately just don’t work. The first time we met we were immediately soul bonded for life.

What was life like before you met your twink?

Life was joyless. For real. All I knew was debauchery and corruption prior to meeting him.

Please describe how you feel about your twink!

It’s hard to articulate but I’ll try. My friendship with him is something I never expected in my life. He’s someone who balances me out, but at the same time, he has enough emotional intelligence (which I know is hard for a man) to be able to match me as an equal. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone who truly understands me or sees me the way he does. I think people see us together and are confused because to everyone he’s just some Wasian twink but to me he’s my true soulmate. Like, we’re literally Bert and Ernie. I had never met anyone who loves me wholeheartedly and unconditionally the way he loves me. And I love him right back!

What is your favourite thing about him?

He’s very generous towards the people he loves and is always willing to buy me things (mama is poor!). He has a big heart and is good at taking accountability for when he flops. My least favourite thing is that he doesn’t put himself out there enough, or at least in my opinion. Deep down, I know he wants a boyfriend or at least a smooch, but he has always been too humble and too shy to pursue anyone. Which is sad because his pent-up horniness comes out in other ways, like sometimes he dry humps me. And then I have to get him together and punish him by ripping off a toenail or two.

What is your favourite thing to do together?

Our favourite activity is debriefing about freaks we meet, and talking shit about all the people we hate. Also watching movies.  And, on special occasions, I shave his ass.

We also love walking through rich neighbourhoods and picking out which houses we want to eventually rob and the gardens we like.

Who is the better influence on the other?

Me, of course. Because I’m really hot and wait I’m goated.

What are your star signs?

He’s a Gemini and I’m a Leo duhhhh.

What’s the craziest shit you’ve seen your twink do?

One time he was riding his bike and got hit by a car. Unfortunately, he survived.

Ethan, Twink

How do you feel about the concept “twinks and their handlers”?

I love it! I only heard about it recently and I feel like it’s the best way to describe me and my handlers dynamic. 

Please describe how you feel about your handler?

I am deeply in love with my handler and it is disgusting. I feel like they are someone who really understands me and is able to guide me to whatever it is that will fill that hole in my heart. They’ve have helped me express who I am and discover who I want to become, so I know that they are meant for me.

What is your favourite activity to do together? 

We love to watch movies and play scrabble together. Of course they always win because they’re soooo smart and always get to swap letters with me. We also love to go to their favourite restaurant for dinner, the same one every time, but its definitely in my top three.  

Read Next

Everything I Heard and Everything I Saw At Golden Plains Super Sweet Sixteen

What would happen if one day your handler just disappeared?

If they turned invisible then I think it would be cool, but if they like left me… I’d probably end up alone forever. I see them pretty much every day so if they ran off on me then I would yearn for them forever and never find a new pretty handler. I’d live a life of solitude where no one would ever love me the same way.

Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

The post What is the Twink-Handler Relationship? I Asked A Bunch Of Twinks and Their Handlers. appeared first on VICE.